A Little (er, Long) Backtrack

I wasn’t always fat/overweight/obese, what-have-you.  When I was a child I was actually underweight and a very picky eater plus hyper. In sixth grade I actually put on 10lbs because the “perfect weight” at the time was 115lbs and I was 105lbs.  Puberty made me uneven plus home issues and the new things we call the Internet and BAM! I discovered eating disorders.

Long (bad) story short, I thought I could starve myself to death.  It started at 10 years old but didn’t come to light really until 12.  By eighth grade/age 14 I was also bulimic.  I was in the process of recovering through therapy when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer my senior year of high school. One of his joys was food; I brought him whatever he wanted and I ate too. By the time I graduated high school I had put on about 20lbs putting me up to about 150lbs.

My first semester of college was marred by more family crisis.  I remember mid-semester weighing in at 163lbs and thinking, “I cannot gain anymore.”  By the time I graduated college in 2008 and married in June 2008 I was 193lbs.

This is where I stop listing numbers.  Yes, I hit 200.  Yes, I went over 200.  In this last year I’ve put on 10lbs alone from giving up and overeating/comfort/binge eating. 

I started Weight Watchers at Work in September 2015.  It was still the Points Plus program and I got off to a good start dropping 9lbs in a few weeks (I was forbidden medically to exercise after an eye blood clot condition.) Then in November they changed to the Smart Points program…I continued trying to stick with WW until March 2016 in which I lost nothing and actually gained back 3lbs on the new program, went on my first cruise and first vacation in 20 years and lost that 3lbs on the cruise, so when I got back I dropped the program. 

I went from then to this past Tuesday without weighing…I really didn’t like the number.  Not only that but I can tell the difference it’s making in my body.  

I’ve always been active and moving; since 2012 I’ve loved doing 5K races and had started to train for a half marathon until the eye condition.  But in the past few months it’s getting painful to walk.  I’m so ashamed to admit that.  It doesn’t matter what shoes I wear—sandals, heels, sneakers, the bottoms of my feet (especially up under my toes) hurt, sting, and develop big blisters.  I’ve gotten stiffer and just feel heavy all over.

I have to make a change if I want to live. I can’t go on down this path.  Talk to you later.